But I Am Not Perfect.
They say the first step to recovery is acceptance. Although I haven’t fully returned to a normal state of mind yet, at least now I know when I am being cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs. I used to suffer a lot from perfectionism and if things didn’t go as planned, I would throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water, so to speak. A case in point, I once failed one module out three and I was so inconsolable that I decided to quit the whole course, regardless of the three distinctions.
My favourite book in the bible is Jonah, not only for its humorous story line, because I can relate on a flawed human level. When God changed his plans about destroying the city of Nineveh, Jonah’s response was, “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, LORD? That is why I ran away! Just kill me now, LORD! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.” And when God asked him if it was right for him to be angry, he left in a huff and puff and made shelter for himself outside the city. God then arranged for a leafy plant to grow there and shade him from the sun and this made Jonah grateful for the plant. But then, the next morning God arranged for a worm to feast through the stem causing the plant to wither away.
Just as Jonah was saying, “What else could go wrong,” God arranged for a scotching heat to blow on him and the sun to beat down on his head. Feeling faint, Jonah exclaimed,” Death is certainly better than living like!” He even retorted, RETORTED, retorted TO GOD, that he was right to be angry about the plant dying. “Even angry enough die!”
I personally would never ever be so bold to say that to God due to fear of lightning bolts, but I can certainly relate and if God can use a hot-tempered fish-swallowed runaway like Jonah, he can use a not so perfect perfectionist like me.
Another brother from another mother is Gideon. When God told him that he wanted to use him to rescue Israel form the Midianites his response was, ‘”Me? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!”
“Do not worry. I will be with you,” God said.
Gideon still not convinced asked for a sign, just to be sure. “I am going to put a wool fleece on the threshing floor and if the fleece is wet with dew in the morning but the ground is dry then I will know that you are going to help me.”
God did as Gideon asked.
Again Gideon asked, “Please don’t be angry with me, but I have one more request. Let me use the fleece for one more request. This time let the fleece remain dry while the ground around it is wet with dew.”
God, again, did as Gideon asked.
Speaking of fleece, there is a male person in my office building who I think is interesting. I caught him doing a double take once. So I told God, “I want to do a fleece test like Gideon. The next time our paths cross, he must look at me and smile, and if that works, then we will do another test.’’
Clearly, God doesn’t play when it comes to the fleece test because the following day, on the staircase, our paths crossed, he smiled and said hi, but alas, it was a different male person. In conclusion, the fleece test, in the wrong hands, can be dangerous. But If God can use an insecure sign-asking doubter like Gideon, he can use an immature fleece-tester like me.
But Moses protested, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?’’
“I will be with you,” God answered, but Moses protested.
“I AM WHO I AM,”’ God replied, but Mosses protested again.
“Show them these signs,” the Lord said.
But Moses pleaded, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”
Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”
Even with that holy clapback, still Moses pleaded.
If God can use a sandal-wearing pleading-protestor like Moses, he can definitely use someone like me, but I must confess, when I was asked to guest write for this blog, my first thought was, “Me? What could I possibly have to say? Like Moses, I am not eloquent at all.”
The truth is, stepping out in faith is difficult, scary and, wait for it, requires faith. I don’t know what steps of faith you need to take right now, but like God said to Gideon, “Go with the strength you have.”
Risima Faith